life without desperation

life without desperation

a few days ago, an acquaintance came to Beijing to go on his vacation after his bankrupty,leaving thousands of debt to pay off. it's quite weird that his words are full of paradox and i can't believe in this person easily. i couldn't tell whether he lied to me or not, so i don't want to get close to him or help him in my usual method. God knows whether my attitude is right or wrong. anyway, i don't want to put myself into danger!
i offered him two meals, and had a conversation with him at night.with an upset heart, i put some of his words in my mind selectedly. he talked a little about his suffer things, and his great dreams, and his planit about life experience as a man. he succeeded in effecting me and stimulating my compassion. what's more, i know some problems on myself by his help. apparently, he chose a life he wanted to go, because he thought that was a wiser or better choice to realize his dream by his judgement. it seemed like nagativing a boat. he set it out, but after a short journey, the boat craped, which lead to his bad result like right now. obviously, he is in trouble, but he told me he can make it, and at this special and crucial time, he must be tougher to face these hardness. with no regret, he goes on. compared with him, my life is like a quiet lake, a blow of sofe wind passing sometime. i don't have motivation to make a huge change, and my life is still like dead lake. i have nothing to worry, i accept my life, and i do meaningless things everyday. then he told me that was because i couldn't feel danger, which is potential and can break out anytime without any precaution. i got it at the moment. i know even there was danger in my life, i am so used to avoid it or forget it like a filler. maybe i didn't choose the right attitude to life experience which is actually the fortune God arranged for me. damn it! i kept on thinking and thinking that whatever i failed in those process. however, limited to my vision, i don't know, cause even now i don't know how to handle this, and i think this is a good resut for us, beacuse no one has dead in the war. can't this be a glorious battle for me. must a war with a winner and a loser is the best? must be blood? i don't know.
maybe i shouldn't blame myself anymore. i am still young, and this is not the time yet. i agree with someone. it may be not a good thing to be famous too young. yes, i believe it. so just play my present role well, so why do i so eager to my "dream".